canoeing

CANOEING IS MY LIFE
i've been really fucking upset the past few days. it's nationals & there are too many bloody things that are making me lose my focus & emotions. what i really fucking don't get is i'm already in the midst of competition & what does pulling me out of competition going to do? now that you put me back in again & pour me down with so much emotional shit, it's just fucking ruining me. everyday so much of my body's water content is just wasted in crying. i've learnt my lesson already. it's none of the canoeing teachers fault, you can't blame them. it's my fault, just blame me. you want me to learn my lesson? they've done so much for me & i'm really thankful for them. i've given them much too many problems & it's my fault. do not ever ever ever, MARK them. i've learnt my lesson already. the message is clear. what do you think you can achieve by pulling me out of my race at this point of time? you pull me out 1 month ago, i'll totally understand, but NOW?! you'll just get bitterness & resentment. enough tears has been shed over this matter. i've learnt my lesson, just PLEASE give me what i've so sacrificed for. everything for my whole 2 years, it's all for this 4 days. i'm already heartbroken enough. EVERYBODY knows how much canoeing means to me & to take away what's part of me, you might as well kill me. you think i don't want to study hard too is it? i don't want canoeing to be the reason as to why my studies suck but it definitely does affect studies. you tell me, in canoeing whose studies not affected? with canoeing, i will prove to everyone that i can get my As. to me, i know that's an impossible feat but because of canoeing, i know i can do it.
The Lord is and always is my pillar & strength.